The Man and His Dog - Part II

Clearly this was an intentional move – anyone who has been on Match any length of time (like over an hour) knows people will see you when you look at their profile. I was not about to give in and look at his profile – although I was extremely curious to see if he’d updated. So - a few days later I received a message – which started a string of correspondence. A point of clarification: the J is me. The DB is him “dumb boy”, or “douche bag” – you decide. These are not word for word, but you’ll get the idea. Enjoy:

DB: Hi Jodie – just wondered how you were doing. I’m not sure if I’ll even get a response, but I wanted to say hi.
J: Why would you think I might not respond, because you stood me up and never called me again – or something else?
DB: Yeah i knew that was coming. I deserved it. I wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose. I felt horrible for the way things went down. To be honest with you i really did enjoy hanging out with you and getting to know you. I think i might have just freaked out along with some other small issues I had come up at the time. Anyway i am glad your doing good.....hope your neck is feeling better after all those shots.

At that point – I was ready to just let it go – I had received some sort of reason, which is really all I wanted, right?! So – I decided better if I didn’t write him back, he’d get the hint, or not – a few days later I get an email:

DB: how was your weekend?

I did not respond. A couple days later:

DB: So are you still that pissed at me that you wont even return my emails?

First of all – if I was, wouldn’t that be understandable? But instead – I wrote this:

J: I’m not pissed, I never was. I was hurt and disappointed. Let me guess – you were dating another girl at the same time, decided you’d rather be with her and didn’t know how to tell me – so you didn’t.
 I guess I’m not sure what you expect from me, you stand me up and don’t talk to me for 3 months and now you expect I’m going to be thrilled to hear from you again. I’m at a loss for words.

DB: "Actually I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time just so you know. I would never do that to anyone. I have only been on here for a month.

I guess with the holidays and some money issues I was so stressed out that I kind of went into introvert mode. I have never been like that before and I kind of didn’t know how to handle it. It’s all good now......

I understand you’re at a loss for words, i don’t blame you. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. I wasn’t sure what kind of response i might get from you. I just thought that maybe I’d hear back from you and that way maybe down the road we could be friends again and see if it could work. If not, I understand. I hope you have a good night."

At that point, I didn’t know what to think – I went from being dead set against it to thinking – what he did was hurtful and irresponsible but not necessarily unforgivable. I mean chances are if he’s being this persistent at getting me to give him another chance, maybe it was out of character. And I kept going back to a couple things my RE said. The first, “Ya know, I don’t hate the idea of you going out with him again – you did hate him a lot less than all of the other guys you dated” (a raving review) and “Some people deserve a second chance.” So – after much deliberation (and advice) I figured maybe it was a one time thing and someday this might be a great story for the grandchildren, but I also knew there was a good chance it would happen again – either way, I knew if I didn’t try – I’d always wonder.

J: Well, I’m writing you back against my better judgment. I mean its kind of a big chance for me to take. What happens next time something happens that stresses you out – will I just get pushed to the side again? But I find myself writing you back anyway, so I guess I’ll go with it. I just don’t understand why you couldn’t have just emailed me back – I gave you a perfect out when I emailed you and said if you weren’t interested to let me know.

DB: Thanks for writing me back even though by the sounds of it you didn’t want to. Look i understand the way it went down was not cool....so i apologize for it. i look back on it and like I said in the e-mail the other night I totally handled it wrong. Take how you want to...but its just not like me to do that. I never meant to hurt ya. I don’t remember ever getting a email from you, i think my match account was cancelled at that time. If you sent it to my yahoo account maybe i missed it....either way I’m sorry. I’m only on here for another week like you....So I’ll leave it up to if you ever feel like maybe talking again. I don’t want to bother you. You’re a great person and i wish you the best.

So – I decided to take the chance. It wasn’t like I was exactly heart broken the first time around, if I had been I probably would have made a different decision. We began texting and emailing back and forth and it stayed like that for a while – I was getting pretty annoyed with it – he wasn’t mentioning getting together or even talking on the phone. I understand he said we’d start as friends, but even friends talk on the phone. So – after I hinted SEVERAL times about doing something – and was ready to give up he mentioned getting together. FINALLY – lets get this thing moving. At that point I was afraid I’d see him and not have any feelings for him. I mean – was he that great of a guy or was he just not as bad as the others? He picked me up and we headed to a Lugnuts game (which we’d also done the first time around – maybe it was a bad omen). It was nice to see him, it was comfortable. After the game he came back to my apartment and we watched TV and talked a little bit – but there seemed to be no physical attempts. If this would’ve have been the real first date – I would’ve understood, but it wasn’t and I think after what had happened I was looking for any sign of interest, reassurance that I made the right decision – but I wasn’t getting it. Then out of no where he stood up and said “Well, I’m going to get going”. It was super bizarre (and annoying) to say the least.

The next date we went to the dog park. THE DOG PARK PEOPLE. My idea of a “pet” is fish. The end. I had to ride in the car with that thing, then had to be in a park surrounded by them. And they would just run in the water whenever they felt like it and then run out and shake their nastiness all over. Gross me out the door. I couldn’t help but look around and think, “could I ever be one of these dog park people, because I’m a real big fan of the people park”. I also remember thinking at one point “I’m at a freakin’ dog park, you better not screw this up again HC, you best be worth it.” Laughable…but I get a head of myself. So, after the dog park we went back to his place to hang out. I end up playing with the dog in the back yard (Paging Jodie Burditt, Jodie Burditt please return your anti pet soul to your body. Thank you).

We had not had the Epilepsy discussion, there had not been a reason, until that night. I had a couple days of testing scheduled for the following week, having tests done at Henry Ford. So, I cautiously brought up the fact that I wouldn’t be around for a couple days and the conversation ensued. He was very interested and asked a lot of questions. Did not seem put off or freaked out at all. We said good night after another date void of all romance or touching. Fantastic. Feeling like you like someone more than they like you is the worst, and it was becoming an all to familiar feeling for me. 

During the previous date he had mentioned going to a movie on Thursday…later in the week he cancelled because he wasn’t feeling well and rescheduled for Sunday. At 5:00 p.m., I was fairly certain I was getting stood up AGAIN (if you are reading my blog for the first time, refer to the first post about "The Man and His Dog) and took to my journal; I will spare you the details…but I was pretty mad. That night I decided if I had not heard  from him by 6:15 I was showering and ordering pizza. By 6:46 I was clean and waiting my dinner delivery. I cannot believe I wasted my Epilepsy saga on this fool. By 7 p.m. I was writing this “I’d say I can’t believe it, but obviously I can, since it isn’t the first time. And yet after all the work (well, emails anyway) he put into having me give him another chance to “be friends and see if it could work” - so maybe he did just think of it as a friendship - but that doesn’t make what he did okay and it certainly doesn’t make it make sense. The sick thing is - I want him to call, right now, with the best possible, most acceptable, make sense, ask no questions, reason. I want it to be OK - But bottom line…it’s not. There is nothing he can say to make this okay - and I wish I wasn’t hoping there was.” SO - over, right. WRONG. I’m an idiot.

I arrived at work the next day to an email. Allegedly he had dropped his phone in the sink while doing dishes, slippery little suckers. (I’m pretty sure he has a dishwasher) He claimed to have called around noon but could not get through. He said he would not have a phone until later in the afternoon and wanted to make sure I knew. AWE - how kind. HEY ASSHOLE, would it have put you out to drive the 1.2 miles to my house and tell me, leave a note, something?! Ugh. So while I was much less upset then I had been driving to work that morning, I was less than thrilled. So, I did what any mature person would do…I didn’t write back. There was nothing to really say, anyway. (Let’s be honest, was I hoping/expecting he would call me after he got his new phone - Duh!) So, the next night I had not heard anything and I decide there is no way I’m going to let two months go by and have him contact me again, saying I never wrote him back. So, I sent him a text asking if he got a new phone. Of course, I immediately hated myself for this because then I started thinking, ‘great, now I’m not going to hear back from him and I will have to email him, because what if he doesn’t have a new phone and doesn’t get my text?' All this excuse making/speculation was getting exhausting.

Turns out he called me almost immediately but I was on a walk and didn’t hear my phone. He left a long rambley message about getting the phone, golfing all night, blah, blah, blah. We played phone tag for a bit; when we finally talked we made small talk, the conversation was winding down when I said “I have to ask you one thing about Sunday…you know what I thought, right?!” “Yea” “Okay, I just wanted to make sure”. I went on to say I didn’t understand why he didn’t try and get a hold of me. I think my exact words were, “You know where I live, and it’s not that far from you.” He fully agreed and said he should have handled it differently but he didn’t remember what time I was going to be back in town…and then more rambling.  Somewhere along the way we decide we would go to a movie on Saturday. (idiot, idiot, idiot)

Saturday he texts me at 5 p.m. and suggests a 6:40 movie - he’d pick me up. Joy! Thanks for the advance notice. Sarcasm? No, I've never heard of it. The movie was fine, expect for the vary obvious fact that he did NOT touch me ounce. I mean, I was even doing the awkward ‘put my hand in a fairly obvious touch position’ cause I’m damn sick of him treating me like his sister. No such luck.

After the movie we head back to my apartment, without saying anything he turns off his car and proceeds to follow me up. You would think that was a good sign…not so much. No touching…I even put my head on his shoulder twice, caring no more if I’m being annoying because something is just NOT right. No response. He startes to get up and go home…he hugs me goodbye and we start kissing - a semi-pathetic kiss, mind you - not as pathetic as the Valentine’s Day-tight lip-have gotten more passion from my Grandmother-guy-but less than impressive.

He leaves and I immediately call my BFF to vent my frustrations. I didn’t hear from him again until Tuesday, saying good luck on my upcoming medical tests, which were scheduled for Thursday and Friday. We continued to text but I could feel it - he was pulling away. Texts were short and few and far between, never really soliciting a response. After a continued lack of interest I drafted the email I had wanted to have for a while. “Obviously you just want to be friends; don’t seem to be interested, correct me if I’m wrong - went from communicating everyday to hardly at all, no plans to see each other.” I hit send and await a reply. I open my email the next day to a “failure to deliver” message. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?  I text him to make sure he had the same personal address, after he confirmed I let him know I would be sending an email there. He never responded; shocker. COWARD. He knew it was coming, there is no excuse. I was tempted to send him a text that said “your silence answers my question - let’s just make sure you don’t come back around in three months cause this is OVER.” But I didn’t, and I never heard from him again. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT.